Wedding and engagement season is upon us. Sometimes when I get on Facebook or surf through blogs, I want to scream when I see the articles people share on “5 things to look for in a guy,” or “5 people you should never settle for”… 8 years ago when I was a freshman in college, I would have been the worst at consuming these types of posts.
My freshman year of college, I made a list of all the qualities, traits, and characteristics I wanted in my future husband.
And I came up with 63!!!!! Ummm hello, that’s a bit excessive.
When I started dating someone, I would look at my list and mark the qualities or traits he matched. Then I would judge him. And the scariest part is that I even told some of the guys I dated that I did this! If a guy ever told me he had a list of 60 things I needed to match up to, I would run. Fast.
I wish I could go back and tell myself this…
Sizing up someone to a list is NOT found in the Bible. God did not tell me to do that nor do I believe that he wanted me to do that.
Thankfully, I grew up and out of this phase and realized this list is impossible and unbiblical. My focus should not be on what kind of man I am looking to marry, but what kind of woman I am seeking to be FOR the man I want to marry. And this is a true concept for your marriage too.
You will NEVER find or will be married to Mr. Right. You will NEVER find a man that completely, at all times, pursues your heart. You know why?! Because whoever you marry is going to be an IMPERFECT man.
I respect and love Jim more than any other man on this earth. But I know he is NOT perfect. Jim does not match up to my list completely. I decided a few years ago that list meant nothing in my search for a husband because I made a decision that I was going to trust God alone for whoever he would lead me to marry.
So, instead of focusing on what to look for in a man, I decided to focus on what kind of woman I could be for my husband. These are the areas I focus in for myself (before I was married and now that I’m married):
1. Mentally. I wanted to know what marriage is about and how I can honor Christ with my marriage before I dated someone seriously. I read so many books and studied what God’s word says marriage. My favorite book on marriage is Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Not only did I prepare myself before marriage, but I continue to learn by learning, reading, and talking with others on how to have a marriage that honors each other and God.
2. Physically. God created our bodies to live, breathe, eat, and function in a healthy order. And not to ignore the obvious, but God made men very visually attracted to the female body. If you want to attract a man, take great care of your body!!! Eat plenty of veggies and go on a walk/run. I promise it will change your whole mood aside from your body being healthy! And make your husband happy too ;-).
3. Spiritually. This world is temporary. You were made for something much greater. Jesus made the greatest sacrifice for you, dying in your place and loving you unconditionally, so you could live with him in paradise forever. All he wants is a personal relationship with you. The joy we find in living for Him is greater and more satisfying than anything else we could find in this world.
4. Socially. God wants you to enjoy life! Enjoy relationships and community. Find and grow with friends who you can laugh a lot with and who will point you to Jesus. Always pursue friendships, some who you are similar to and some who you are very different from. Love others deeply and not only will you find a place of belonging, but you will learn more about God and yourself too.
So why did I tell you these four areas? Because the more you spend time on seeking to grow in these areas of your life, the more prepared you will be to love and honor your husband. And the easier your marriage will be too. (I’ve been married almost a year and a half! See my post on my wedding here)
The bottom line is this:
Seek to be a woman who loves and honors God in all parts of your life, especially if you want to be married to a man who also loves and honors God. A man who follows God with his life wants a woman who follows God with her life.
And if you like making lists like I do, make a list of what kind of woman you want to be. Study the Bible and find the specific qualities of who God wants you to be and pray that he makes you more like that. Colossians is a great place to start.
How have you learned this lesson too? Share with us below!